Every mother has them, they are your friends from before babies, and they are the ones that haven’t yet joined you, or that maybe never will, on the roller coaster ride that is having children.
Normally these friends are innocently naive about what you are going through as a new mother, and this isn’t their fault, as they haven’t experienced the excruciatingly painful experience that is child birth, the aftermath of a caesarean, the long term effect that nearly a year of sleepless nights has on a person, or the huge impact that these little people have on your life which means they just don’t understand why you can’t drop everything and go to the pub/have a weekend away or go mental on a Saturday night.
Seeing these friends casually carrying on with their carefree lives while you are up to your neck in baby poo and puke can be disheartening – sometimes you desperately want to experience just one more night of madness, or a coffee meet up without having to contend with a mad toddler emptying the sugar sachets all over the floor.
As a result, your time spent with these friends naturally becomes less and less, as you save those meets up for the times when you can have a break, leave your little one with someone, and go and have a glass of wine. You spend your time with your little one, accompanied by other like-minded mummies, where you can discuss the long night before and your child’s latest eating habits without worrying that you are boring the pants off them.
However, this post is dedicated to one very special ‘non-baby’ friend, who I am very lucky to have in my life.
Her name is Sarah, and is a mutual friend for both myself and another old friend of ours, Adele, who has also recently become a mummy. Adele and I are typical new mums, constantly chatting everything baby and toddler, so you’d think very boring for Sarah, who doesn’t have children. In fact, it’s quite the opposite, and if she does get bored during these conversations, then she hides it very well!
Sarah was the person in my life growing up that I went out with, got drunk with, met boys with, and generally partied with! We parted ways for University, but our meet ups would obviously consist of catching up, and then going out. As we matured, we might have thrown a nice meal in there, and obviously as I got married and settled down, there were now nights in added to the equation. We’d often meet up with Adele and Jamie, and have all grown up into ‘proper adults’ together over the last 12 years since the mad days of college.
Since I’ve had Lylah, Sarah has been one ‘non-baby’ friend who has been so thoughtful and considerate about spending time with us. She often initiates days out to baby-friendly places for all of us to go, and is hands on with helping out with the children, giving us tired mums a much needed break. Not that Sarah isn’t tired as well…working full time and long hours in a law firm, training for a half marathon and travelling to and from Somerset often to visit her family, she is as exhausted as most I’m sure, but she doesn’t mind spending a Saturday carting our children around Puxton Park, talking to them about all the animals, and getting involved with the all of the activities, like a big kid herself!
When I was still breast feeding Lylah, she came round for a takeaway and a night in, and bought me a lovely bottle of red. Knowing I wouldn’t be able to drink because of the feeding, she had found the best tasting, closest to reality as possible bottle of fake red wine that she could, and paid highly for it as well. It meant I could enjoy something close to the taste of a glass of wine, but without the fear of getting trollied!
She offers to babysit regularly, gives me help and advice about certain health things for Lylah, as her lovely mum is a nurse, and buys thoughtful presents for my little girl. But mainly it is about the time she spends with us, not a second of it a tiresome task for her.
She organised a day out for us yesterday, and as I am starting to show quite heavily, and am feeling pretty tired and rubbish still, she carried Lylah when I couldn’t, jumped into the soft play ball pit to get involved, held her hand and walked her around, or pushed the push chair when Lylah was clinging to me. It makes such a difference to a day out for me, and I’m so grateful for that. She made the most of the day out, and got on a digger, rode a pig car, and bounced on the child only trampoline, so I actually think our children are just a guise for her to go to all these child friendly activities!
So thanks to Sarah, a ‘non-baby’ friend yes, but a BEST friend to us and our babies, definitely. We love you!